Sometimes, we encounter phrases that seem to be a wonderful, succinct way of saying something, and more, they strike a chord in our minds and/or hearts. I've begun collecting these, and you can see them here:

General One-Liners

• Attitude
  • Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
  • Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies.
  • Every once in a while declare peace. It confuses your enemies.
  • Give me ambiguity, or give me something else.
  • Give the elders their due, or they will kill you.
  • Hypocrisy is the Vaseline of political intercourse.
  • I may be apathetic, but I don't care.
  • Say it with flowers - Send a Triffid. (Nodding to John Wyndham)
• Children
  • So you want children: Daddy, what does Formatting 90% mean?
• Communication
  • Abbreviation: Why is it such a long word?
  • Eschew Obfuscation.
  • Forgive me my typos, as I forgive those who typo to me.
  • What's another word for Thesaurus?
  • Why is where you park your car called a driveway?
  • Why is where you drive your car called a parkway?
• Computers
  • Windows 95:
    32 bit extensions and graphical shell for a 16 bit
    patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for
    a 4 bit microprocessor written by a 2 bit company that
    can't stand 1 bit of competition.
  • I am Pentium of Borg
    Division is Futile
    You will be Approximated
• Diets & Food
  • Dieting: A way to make the ends justify the jeans.
  • Pickle: A cucumber soured by a jarring experience.
• Intelligence
  • All generalizations are false.
  • Before you louse something up, THIMK!
  • Failure(n.): Opportunity to try again, more intelligently.
  • If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
  • If you enjoy TV, you have a stake in a medium rarely well done.
  • No sense being pessimistic, it wouldn't work anyway.
  • Some drink from the fountain of knowledge. Others gargle.
  • We all have photographic memories - but some of us have no film. (Bob Stormer)
• Music and Art
  • Just Say No to Lssy Cmprssn.
  • Rap is to music what Hot Dogs are to cuisine.
• Observations
  • Junk - stuff we throw away. Stuff - junk we keep.
  • Nimble little minx, aren't you?
• Politics
  • Democracy: Where any two idiots outvote a genius.
  • Democracy: The highway upon which no one can drive faster than the slowest driver. Anthony Splendora
  • Voting: If voting could really change things, legislators would eliminate it.
  • Government: Designed to provide you with "service" and...
    ...the Media: Designed to provide you with Vaseline.
• Science:
  • But, Your Honor, the light had dopplered to green.
  • Dry Ice: A Carbon Dioxymoron
  • Flying is the art of throwing yourself at the ground... and missing.
  • Math:
    • 90% of the time I'm right, so why worry about the other 3%
    • Calculus... the agony and dx/dc
    • Fact: fourteen out of every ten people like sex.
    • Factorials were someone's attempt to make math look exciting.
    • There are three kinds of people; those who can count, and those who can't.
    • Some people have trouble with denotation. The following should help:
      •                (forwards = 2 paraphrase)
      •       10**12 Microphones = 1 Megaphone
      •           10**6 bicycles = 2 megacycles
      •          500 millinaries = 1 seminary
      •        2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
      •                 10 cards = 1 decacards
      •             1/2 lavatory = 1 demijohn
      •              10**-6 fish = 1 microfiche
      •    453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
      •              10**12 pins = 1 terrapin
      •           10**21 picolos = 1 gigolo
      •               10 rations = 1 decoration
      •              100 rations = 1 C-ration
      •            10 millipedes = 1 centipede
      •           3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent
      •             5 holocausts = 1 Pentacost
      •            10 monologues = 5 dialogues = 1 decalogue
      •              2 monograms = 1 diagram
      •                8 nickles = 2 paradigms
      •             2 snake eyes = 1 paradise
      •                2 wharves = 1 paradox
  • Programming:
    • Recursion: If you got the point, stop, else see Recursion
    • Infinite Recursion: See Infinite Recursion
  • Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
• Sex:
  • I can resist everything except temptation.
  • Knock softly, but firmly. I like soft, firm knockers.
  • Not hungry, not homeless. Will work for kinky sex.
  • Sex is not an answer. Sex is a question. Yes is the answer.
  • Sex on television can't hurt you. Unless you fall off, of course.
  • When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment.
    When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute.
  • There are two kinds of men. One keeps his mind in the gutter.
    So he can look up his lady's skirts.
    The other is quite different. He keeps his lady on a pedestal.
    So he can look up her skirts. BB Original
    
  • If there was really a glass ceiling, men would make sure women were on the top floor.
    So they could look up their skirts. Pete Patterson
• The Web:
  • Conjungo, ergo sum. [I link, therefore I am] Anthony Splendora

Tom Swifties

• I am not a homosexual necrophiliac, said Tom in dead earnest.
• Is this sodomy? asked Tom, half in earnest.
• Shut up and dig, Tom said gravely.
• The answer was 3.14159, Tom said piously.
• That spear looks VERY nasty, Tom said pointedly.
• Balls! Tom said roundly.
• I'm not impotent and I don't suffer from premature ejaculation when given head, Tom sputtered weakly, much too soon for Mary's taste.
• There are birds in the trees, Tom said swiftly.
• I've never heard of anilingus, said Tom, tongue in cheek.

One liners from Musicians

• "The things that come to those who wait may be the same things left by those who got there first"
  - Steve Tyler, Aerosmith
• "Money can't buy love, but it can sure buy a yacht to pull up next to it on"
  - David Lee Roth, then of Van Halen

Atheism, etc.

• An atheist is someone with no invisible means of support.
• ATHEISM: A non-prophet organization.
• GOD.SYS not found, switching default to REALITY.SYS
• He created OLD fossils! Yeah, riiiigghht!
• In the beginning there was nothing, then Man, then God.
• Reality is that thing which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
• When evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve.

While we're on the subject of Atheism, here's something that's not a one liner by any means, but tickles my funny bone most profoundly:

The New Religion